HR and Doomsday ( circulated a week before 21st December 2012.)
Overheard my teenage son last
year talking to his friend "just 17 years and we have to die next year on 21st
December” and they discussed various possibilities including asking their
respective dads to allow them to go on a world cruise where they could try
their luck with the Chinese Ark (all
points of discussion, based on the movie 2012)
While most of us have dismissed
these prophesies the very same way we dismiss ‘this week’s luck’ in the Sunday
papers, I was little surprised when a neighbour who is an HR Manager came
rushing home, asking me for advice (free of course) on how to tackle a possible
employee disturbance on that day both in their factory as well as the head
office in Mumbai.
“I am not the only one” he added while
we were travelling to town a few days later.” It seems the CEOs of a number of
establishments especially in Nariman Point, with offices near the sea are
genuinely worried about a possible panic situation and failing to find any
viable solution from their most strategic teams have now approached the HR
Managers to find an answer. I have come across at least 7 such hapless Managers”
he completed as if in one breath.
“What they are looking for from
us” he added, “is complete crowd management and least hysterical outbursts so
that work goes on smoothly”
“If they are so confident that
work must go on, there is no issue as they themselves do not fear a catastrophe
or end of the world” I retorted.
“None of them are coming to
office that day, as they all have planned for some meeting or other- in fact
everyone knows they will be staying at home with their family”.
“Which means,” I said, “they want
you to be the one to manage any problems in the company while they are safe
indoors”
“We are lost sir” he entreated as
he normally does when anything a little complicated is presented to him. "We
need some advice from you, more experienced ones sir”
“As I recall, I have not had any
such end of the world experience. The closest I came to was watching TV when
the Tsunami hit coastal India in 2005” I added, hoping he would take the hint.
As he and later on a few more
others like him made a fervent plea that I should help, I have the following
proposal for all our HR colleagues who may face a similar dilemma:
1. Quickly design a Standard
Operating Procedure ( SOP) that will be approved by the Board and communicated
to all as acceptable mode of behaviour for the day.( Not to worry if the
Board or the CEO does not approve the proposal. You did your duty.)
2. Delegate tasks to all in the HR team, asking
each one of your team to be available at strategic positions within the company
premises, ready to help the human capital that will be lost for directions
during the day.
3. Advise all HoDs in the company
asking them to attend a drill one day prior to the event. Those who cannot make
it the day before should necessarily be present from 7 a.m. on the day to
mentor and guide staff as per the approved SOPs.
3. The Maintenance team must keep
all equipments including common vehicles in complete readiness, to ride across
fast sinking roads. Plants must run at full mast as a recent study has
indicated that the forward motion of the motors will act as a deterrent to
heavily approaching flood waters.
4. All pets and animals including
those at home must be fully secured not to repeat incidents similar to those
that happened in the Life of Pi.
5. The HR Managers may have to
withstand heavy family pressures if they need to spend the night at the factory
premises, checking on all safety precautions.
6. The HR team must check on the
utilization of Medical budget to see how much saving the department will make
in case there are no survivors and hence no further need for medical aid. Similar
calculations may be made on the salary, training as well as welfare budgets to
show how much saving is possible by the
HR department, always considered as a cost centre.
7. When all arrangements are made
and rest of the team assigned specific
tasks, tell your Boss that you will be at the highest possible point in the
city to watch out for disturbing signals so that you can warn everyone well in
advance.
8. Once he agrees to your
suggestion, go home, have a great dinner, share some stories with the kids and
sleep late, ready to face everyone in the office on days that follow and take
life as it comes.
All the best.
Job Xavier- Mumbai
98923 29188
P.S. just in case the event
actually occurs, it has really been a pleasure knowing you.
